An Adventure

She'd never felt quite like this. When she saw him, when she felt him, her heart fluttered and jumped. She was in love.
     His swept blond hair, almost white, and his square jaw that broke into a dazzling grin, and the strong arms that wrapped around her and made her feel safer than she ever had before. He smelled right, felt right, sounded right. Without him she would feel empty.
     If he went too long between visits, or was too busy at work to spend time with her, she would sulk in her room or on the couch as her two roommates lived out their lives around her.
     But then he would appear again, and breathe life back into her.




Jean ran to the door after it rang, delirious with joy that Tony was finally visiting after an entire week away. A whole week!
     Erin, sitting on the couch, heard as the door opened and Tony's greeting was cut short by a sloppy kiss. Erin rolled her eyes. "It's been so long!" Erin heard Jean complain as the door shut and Jean pulled Tony into view. "Look who's here!"
     "Hi Erin," Tony said. "How've you been?"
     "Wonderful. Very good. And y-"
     Erin's question was cut short by Jean. "Come on! Let's bake brownies! And I want to see that show you've been talking about, the one about cards!" Jean dragged him toward the kitchen.
     "It isn't really about cards, that's just in the name," Tony started explaining as they disappeared around the corner. "Also, I don't think we need six bags of flour for brownies."
     "I wanted to make sure that we don't run out!"
     Erin sighed and went down to her room. She heard a strange noise – which itself was too common – coming from Jennifer's room. She knocked and went in.
     "Please wait until I say come in to come in," Jennifer said, her voice never wavering as she drilled into a piece of wood. Her black hair was pinned up and she wore safety goggles. "Tony's here, I heard. What does Jean have planed today?"
     "They're going to bake brownies and watch House of Cards."
     "Does she know it doesn't actually have any card in it?"
     Erin shrugged. Jennifer also shrugged, and started the drill again. Jean waited patiently for her to finish. "What are you doing?"
     "Drilling wood," Jennifer answered. She blew on the hole and inspected it.
     "Yes but... why?"
     "Because I want a hole in the wood." Jennifer looked up as she threw her goggles somewhere in the critically messy room. "Is there some reason for you to come in here besides bothering me?"
     "No, I guess not. I just didn't want to be around the love birds all the time. Jean is like an addict."
     "What do you think she would do if he broke up with her?" Jennifer asked, going to a bright table and sitting. She pulled a pad of paper toward her and drew a few things.
     "Ugh. I don't even want to think about that. We'd have to deal with it, for one thing. We'd have to load up on tissues and ice cream."
     "She'd probably be in here all the time demanding to know why we keep running out of bananas."
     Erin tried to figure out why such a question would be asked, then shook her head. Jennifer could keep them anyway. "She'd be a mess, that's for sure." Erin picked up a cross made out of six inch bolts.
     "Don't touch that," Jennifer said without looking. Erin set the cross back down.
     "So what are you working on now?"
     "A piece of wood with a lot of holes in it." Jennifer remained fixed on the piece of paper.
     "How many holes?" Erin asked. Jennifer stopped writing.
     "That's the question, isn't it?" She started writing again. "When do you think those brownies are going to be ready?"
     "Well, knowing Jean," Erin said as she sat on the oft-neglected bed, "She'll burn the first batch because she's too busy staring at Tony. Tony won't notice until it's too late, and then they'll have to start over."
     "Maybe an hour from now?" Jennifer asked.
     "That seems about right. I'll go down and check in a little bit."
     "Okay. Unless you have your own pair of safety goggles to wear, you should probably go now." Jennifer stood and found the goggles. "Do you?"
     "No."
     "Okay then. Off you go." Erin exited the room, and a moment later she heard the drill fire up. She went into her comparatively clean room and read.
     Thirty minutes later she smelled something burning, and thirty minutes after that she went upstairs. She heard Jean and Tony talking in hushed voices, and she listened.
     "But you never see me anymore! I get so lonely!" Jean said, speaking quietly. "Can't you ask your boss for a little less work? You're working late almost every day!"
     "I know, I'm sorry! I want to spend time with you too, but it's not exactly an office job. It's a lot of work in a restaurant, and people rely on me to cook things properly. I can't just leave marinara simmering on the stove and go home when it's five in the afternoon!"
     There was no response from Jean for a moment. Then: "Why can't they hire someone to help you?"
     "You've been there; it's a small restaurant. I'm the first person to work there who's been trained at a culinary school, everyone else has just learned with experience and on-the-job training. They don't have enough funding to do that."
     "I'm starting to think that there's something else in your life more important than me," Jean said. Erin heard something scrape. She retreated to the stairs and went down a few steps, then clumped up them as noisily as she could. When she rounded the corner into the kitchen Jean was smiling and happy again, chattering away to Tony as he cut the brownies into squares.
     "Hi Erin. Do you want a brownie?" He offered, holding out a plate.
     "I'd love one!" She took the plate and drew a glass of water.
     "Erin, do you know what Jennifer has been doing with all the bananas?" Jean asked.
     "No idea." Erin took a bite of the brownie, and for a small moment knew how Jean felt when she saw Tony. "Holy crap this is good." It felt like a puppy was nuzzling her tongue! "I don't feel worthy."
     "Tony made them!" Jean said with a smile.
     "I couldn't guess!"
     "We burned the first batch though. I wasn't paying attention," Jean said, digging out a few more brownies. Erin nodded, smiling, as if this was new information.
     Jennifer appeared with wood chips in her hair. She had a small cut on her cheek.
     "Hi Jennifer. You've got some red on you. Do you want a brownie?" Tony asked.
     "Thank you." Jennifer took a bite, and the barest glimmer of emotion covered her face. "It's good."
     "How have you been Jennifer?" Tony asked.
     "Fine. I can't stay and talk; I have to get ready for work." Jennifer put the mostly-uneaten brownie down on the counter and left the kitchen. Erin heard her go down the stairs to her room.
     "Come on Tony, let's watch!" Jean pulled her addiction into the living room, and Tony managed a wave goodbye before he disappeared. Erin heard her start to ask him about how he can pay so much attention to her housemates when she's right there, and Erin went down the stairs.
     She brushed her light red hair and settled into bed, hearing muffled sounds from the TV a floor above. The two watching were silent.

The next morning Jennifer sat at the table in the dining room, trying to find something interesting to read as the coffee brewed. Erin came up the stairs.
     "How was work?" She asked Jennifer. Jennifer shrugged. The dark-haired women still had her scrubs on. She didn't look tired, even after working all night. Every once in a while Erin wondered if she put something "extra" in her coffee.
     "Had to hold a drug addict down while a doctor gave him gas. I almost got some blood on me."
     "That keeps your clean streak active," Erin mumbled through sleep-thick lips. She rubbed her face. The coffee maker dinged and she got up to pour a cup. She handed one to Jennifer, who took it down to her room.
     When Erin was on her second cup of coffee and finally waking up, Jean came out of the only bedroom on the main floor of the small house. Her perkiness annoyed Erin. This enamored woman, who had a darker shade of red hair and was substantially taller than both Erin and Jennifer, got her own cup of coffee and sat at the table across from Erin.
     A minute later, Erin realized Jean was staring at her. "What?"
     "Did Tony seem strange to you yesterday? Like he was acting weird?"
     Erin thought about it. Tony had been quiet, conversational, friendly, attentive, understanding, and well-mannered. "Nope. He seemed pretty normal to me."
     "Because last night, after we watched that show, he seemed really distant. He didn't respond to things I say as quickly as he normally does."
     "Maybe he has something on his mind."
     "No, I asked him. If he did, he'd tell me. At least, he'd better."
     Erin took a drink of coffee to hide her rolling eyes.
     "Anyway, I was wondering if you noticed anything strange."
     "Nope."
     "Okay." Jean looked at her watch. "I'd better get to work. Have a good day."
     "Bye," Erin said. Jean left. Erin rummaged through the paper until she found an article about twin brothers that married twin sisters, and then both families had twins. She shivered at the thought, and then eagerly read.

A week later Tony came over again.
     Erin answered the door, since Jean was struggling into her clothes. Tony looked at her for a moment too long, and then said "Hi Erin. How are you?"
     "Good. I see you've been given a break from work to keep my housemate from falling into hysterics."
     "Haha, yeah. It was pretty busy this week but we aren't expecting a big crowd tonight. It should be fine. How are the studies going?"
     "Good. I have a couple of papers to read this week so I won't be around much." At that moment Jean danced around the corner, right into Tony's unprepared arms. He fumbled, and then got her in a hug. She sighed and laid her head on his chest.
     Erin turned away. Jean had been talking about how Tony was coming over for the last two days, but luckily this sort of behavior got easier to ignore over time. Jean started to talk in the excited way that she did whenever Tony was around, began showing off, almost parading for him. She said something – something not exactly funny, which was exactly how Jean told jokes – and he laughed. He must be trying especially hard today. She went on to tell him about their lack of bananas.
     Erin went to her room and read for some of her classes, but something bothered her. Something about Tony. He hadn't looked different. His bright hair was the same, he towered over Jean just as Jean seemed to tower over her. She couldn't place it. She shrugged and kept reading.
     A few hours later she surfaced, and went upstairs. Jennifer's room was quiet, and Erin suspected that she had succumbed to her humanity and gone to bed after her last shift at the hospital. Tony and Jean sat at the dining room table and drank tea. Jean talked endlessly and Tony listened with a small smile on his face. The remnants of a board game were off to the side of the square table, and sunlight came in through the west windows.
     Erin went in the kitchen, and listened to Jean talk away at Tony. There was still something there that Erin thought strange, but she couldn't place it. She shook it from her mind and got her meal together; she didn't know Tony well enough to put her finger on something like that. Jean knew him much better, and she seemed to have no problems. As always, she glowed in his presence, radiating happiness from every pore. Erin knew that wasn't possible, but if it was Jean did it.
     Erin was spreading butter on toast when she figured it out. Tony seemed to be laughing more than he usually did. It wasn't much more, but it was more than, as she thought, the standard deviation of laughter given a specific stimulus. Tony didn't laugh very much; he normally gave a deep chuckle. Every once in a while he would laugh, but today he gave a little laugh when Jean would tell one of her jokes.
     But it was just laughing. That's all it was! She chastised herself for being so interested in the lives of others, something she did too frequently. She took the bowl of ramen out of the microwave and retreated to her room. She would hear sporadic laughing from above her, and she tried to ignore it. But she just couldn't.

Erin considered telling Jean what she had thought, but it didn't seem important the next day. Jean didn't discuss anything else about Tony with her, and eventually Erin forgot about it. The week went on. Erin read papers endlessly, and worked at the graduate school she attended grading undergrad papers. Jennifer worked at the hospital and worked away in her room during her spare time. Jean dreamed about Tony and worked at an office a few blocks away. In a few days the weekend reared its lovely head.
     And Tony was coming over again! Jean nearly went into hysterics when she found out. It had only been five days since the last time he'd visited, and this level of frequency was uncommon for him. Erin again remembered her strange thought from the last time he'd visited, and watched him carefully from her vantage point on the couch, next to a blanket-wrapped Jennifer.
     He seemed almost exactly the same. Almost exactly.
     He wasn't laughing more than normal anymore. That must have been a temporary thing. There was something else now that she didn't see because she was looking for the laughing. Jean and Tony went into her room and closed the door.
     "Did Tony seem strange at all to you?" Erin asked Jennifer as they watched Scrubs.
     "Yes."
     "He did? Why?" Erin looked at the door to Jean's bedroom. Low talking could be heard from inside.
     "He didn't greet us when he came in," Jennifer said. "He's done that every other time he's seen us except for today."
     "Maybe there was something on his mind. Maybe he didn't notice us."
     "He's had things on his mind before, and for him to not notice two women sitting on a couch watching TV presents a level of inattentiveness uncommon towards grown humans, especially one such as Tony, who in the past has demonstrated a high attention span and attention to detail."
     "Okay," Erin said. "Anything else?"
     "No." Jennifer's focus was fully on the screen.
     "Must have been my imagination."
     The silence ticked along, until:
     "Fine. What was your imagination?"
     Erin smiled. "The last time Tony came over it seemed like he was laughing a lot. It seemed strange."
     "I remember," Jennifer said. Erin looked at her.
     "You were asleep!"
     Jennifer looked at Erin with a face so emotionless it was chilling. Slowly, she pursed her lips and scrunched her face. "Yes, you're right. I was."
     Erin edged away from the other woman slightly.
     "But now that you point it out, there did seem to be something different about him today," Jennifer said. "His occipitofrontalis muscles, specifically the corrugator supercilii, seemed significantly more active than previous visits, which could indicate a physical or mental barrier he is attempting to circumvent. This could also be an unforeseen character trait that appears when he is subjected to certain stimuli that were are unaware of.
     "Those muscles..."
     "The face and forehead. He was frowning."
     "Right."
     "However, your notice of increased stimulation of the diaphragm and abdominal muscles, coupled with what Jean might call 'jokes' creates the vision of paradoxical laughter, which is used as a way to disarm another human or, if the situation arises, signify that one is experiencing discomfort, this especially in eastern Asian cultures. I've noticed no eastern Asian influence on Tony as of yet, though that also could be hidden. These facts, combined with the talk that you and Jean had thirteen days ago regarding whether or not you thought Tony was acting 'strange' the night before, could indicate that-"
     "Tony's up to-!" Jennifer's hand clamped over Erin's mouth. They looked at the door to Jean's room with held breath. After a second, they heard talking.
     "He's up to something!" Erin said, this time much quieter. Jennifer hesitated, then nodded. "Do you think he's going to propose?"
     "No. She hasn't met his family yet, and it's understood that the parent's approval of a mate is critical to the idea of wedlock."
     "Not all the time."
     "If I may assume, Tony would like his parents to like Jean."
     "Okay. I guess they've only been dating for a few months."
     "One hundred and thirty days."
     "So then what's he doing?"
     "I am unaware. There are a few possibilities that can be guessed at, such as unfaithfulness, monetary issues, and sickness, which itself can be diluted into areas such as food poisoning, allergies, infectious diseases, and more."
     "Do you think we should tell Jean?"
     Jennifer was silent, motionless, for a minute. Then she shook her head. "Jean's stance would be to assume unfaithfulness, which is traditionally the stance taken by women who are given information they do not fully understand."
     "Traditionally?"
     Jennifer pointed at the TV. "I think that we should keep this information from Jean until we understand more about Tony's situation. My suggestion would be to tactfully inquire with Tony if 'anything is the matter,' a task I will delegate to you if need arises. Another option is to wait and collect more data during subsequent visits that Tony makes. What is your choice?"
     "I think we should follow him!" Erin said. "Tomorrow's Saturday. I have some free time, you don't have work until Sunday, and Tony's restaurant doesn't open until later."
     "To follow him we'd have to know where he's going to be, what time, and if there is actually going to be a reason to follow him. If I take your meaning, eavesdropping would work better. But I'd still prefer-"
     Jean's door opened with a rush of sound, and to the untrained ear Jennifer had never been talking at all. Now that Tony was back where she could see him, Erin did notice little creases on his forehead appeared and disappeared quickly.
     "We're going for a walk!" Jean said. "You two bores have fun here!"
     "We will!" Erin shouted as the door to the porch closed.
     "We will?" Jennifer asked.
     "Yes! Because we're going to figure out a way to find out what Tony's up to. What have I always said?"
     "If the room's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin," Jennifer parroted.
     "No, the other thing."
     "Drink orange juice when you're sick and you'll be better by the next day?"
     "No, no! People aren't always what they seem! Like your Aunt Joey!" Erin said. Jennifer nodded, eyes glassy with remembrance. "There's something going on there, and we need to figure it out."
     "The chances of--"
     "No time for your facts!" Erin said. "What should we do?" She stood and started to pace. "Trick him into telling us? No, that won't work. Pull a Reverse Jennifer?"
     "We don't have any peanut butter."
     "Shame. Getting it from him seems like the easiest path, then. How do we do it?"
     "Ask him."
     "He's too savvy for that. We'll need to overhear it. Does he have his phone with him?"
     "I heard him say that he left it at home while he and Jean were in her room."
     "How convenient. Does Jean go through his phone?"
     "I believe she has in the past, but does not consider him capable of infidelity. Her reason for looking was to check something she had messaged to him."
     "Hmm. Okay. But that was a while ago?"
     "Yes."
     "Then there's still reason to believe he's hiding something." Erin stood in front of a window and looked down the street. "The easiest thing would be to get him talking to somebody that he trusts while we're listening. Do you still have that tiny microphone?"
     Jennifer shook her head but didn't explain why.
     "Then we're going to do it the old fashioned way. Think of all the things you heard from them while we were talking and try and think of something that we can use to follow him."
     "I've already considered the possibilities. There are no good options that they spoke of. Though they mostly spoke about her regarding how her day was, how she's been, what she did, et cetera."
     "Okay, well, what now?"
     "We ask him."
     "He'll never tell us! If he doesn't want Jean to know why would he want us to know?"
     "Because we aren't Jean."
     "That doesn't make any sense. No, we'll have to sit on this for a bit until something better comes up. Let's keep it to ourselves."
     When Jean and Tony entered, they were talking about the shoes that Jean had bought the day before. Jean spotted the two of them, sitting on the couch together. "Look at you two! You didn't move at all!"
     "You were gone for twenty-one minutes," Jennifer said. "Less than the regulation length of a television program."
     "Tony's going to meet his brothers at a cafe tomorrow, why can't you two do something like that? Get out of the house for once!"
     "I work fifty hours a week," Jennifer said.
     "I'm trying to get a masters," Erin added.
     Jean shook her head. "You buncha bores. What was the name of the coffee place you're going?" She asked Tony as they went into the room. Erin didn't hear his response, and she looked at Jennifer.
     "A place called 'A Cuppa Couple.' I have not heard of it."
     "Neither have I." Erin stood to get her computer.
     "I assume that we're going to attend their meeting."
     "Of course! It's perfect! Except we don't know when they're going to meet."
     "Something Tony said moments ago indicated it would be before noon."
     "Perfect."

The next day the two of them sat in A Cuppa Couple, sipping coffee. At least, Erin was. Jennifer had not touched hers, stating that it was too hot. They sat near the entrance, in a spot described by Jennifer as "optimum."
     They had been there for a half-hour, waiting for Tony to arrive. They talked or read, Erin studying papers and Jennifer with an old book that looked like it was written in french. They sat on either side of a table, able to see both entrances. When somebody would enter, one of them would inspect the newcomer.
     Finally, the bell dinged and Erin looked up. "There he is," she said under her breath.
     "How did you know?" Jennifer said, looking over Erin's shoulder.
     "He's coming in the door behind you."
     "No, he's coming in the door behind you."
     Both of them looked over their own shoulder and spotted the person that the other had believed to be Tony. They looked at each other and hid behind their books as one of the Tonys came near. The two Tonys greeted each other and sat at a table in the corner, talking.
     "Twins. Of course. But why?" Erin asked.
     "Not twins," Jennifer said, nodding over Erin's shoulder. "Triplets."
     Another Tony climbed out of the car in the parking lot and entered. The other Tonys waved him down and he joined them.
     "Okay. What the hell."
     "What the hell indeed," Jennifer said. "The one in the center was with Jean last night. The one that just joined visited a week ago. The one on the right is the original. Seeing them now makes it obvious that each copy of the original has only visited once.
     "Yeah, I was about to say that too," Erin said. "Come on."
     Jennifer watched her rise from her chair and start in the direction of the table with the three Tonys. She looked back at the still seated Jennifer and waved her hand.
     The three Tonys were also rising, talking about what they were going to order. They found Erin standing in front of them with her arms akimbo.
     "What exactly are you three up to?" She asked in a whisper. The mostly-empty building took no notice.
     "I don't know what you're talking about," Middle Tony said.
     "You were with Jean last night," Jennifer said. She pointed at the one that had arrived late. "You were with her six days ago." Finally she pointed at the Tony on the right. "You are Tony, the man that Jean believes she has been seeing more frequently these past few days, and until a week ago, the only member of your family that we'd met."
     "Is this one of Jean's housemates, Ton?" Late Tony said. "She's a riot."
     "Don't bother Geoff. She can see right through us. She probably knows our fingerprints." The Tonys and Erin looked at Jennifer, who gave the barest of shrugs. "We can't fool her." The two copies studied Jennifer. "I guess we'll have to explain what's going on." He pointed at the table they had just left. "Join us. It'll make sense."
     They sat. The original Tony was in the middle across from them, the one he'd called Geoff was on his left, and the other on his right. "Introductions," Tony said. He pointed to the one on his left. "This is Vince, my older brother by three minutes." He pointed at the other. "And this is Geoff, my younger brother by five minutes."
     "Are there any more of you?" Erin asked with her arms crossed. Tony shook his head.
     "This is all of us. We all three went to the same culinary school, and all work at different restaurants."
     "The best part about that is when people see us at two different restaurants. Or three!" Vince said. Tony nodded, and Geoff smiled.
     "But the thing is, my restaurant is the smallest and the busiest by comparison. Fewer cooks, more customers." Jennifer and Erin nodded. "So, to appease Jean, I asked my brothers, both of whom aren't as busy, to help out."
     "For a price," Geoff said. "Twenty dollars a day, plus expenses."
     "For both of you? That seems like it would get expensive pretty quickly," Erin said.
     Vince waved his hand. "It's just on the days that we see Jean."
     "But what about kissing and..." Erin spun her hands at the wrists. "Things?"
     "Since about a week and a half ago, 'I've' had a chest cold. With my allergies right now, it's not such a stretch. It's just enough to keep her away," Tony explained.
     "But... why?" Erin asked. "Why go through all this? Your busy, she understands! She might seem crazy, but she's usually pretty normal."
     "Right now isn't the problem," Tony said. "The past few weeks have been  a trial run. But soon my restaurant will change its hours, just for a few weeks. We're doing an 'aggressive ad campaign.'" Tony made quotes with his fingers. "There will be whole weeks were I will get out of bed, go to work, get home twelve hours or more later, and go to sleep. I might not be able to even take a look at my phone, to say nothing of actually spending time with Jean. You know Jean. If that sort of thing happened, how do you think she would take it?"
     "With protest," Jennifer said. Erin nodded.
     "I tried to explain to her that I would be getting really busy, but she seemed to think that I would still have time to visit her no matter how long I tried."
     "She can be that way," Jennifer said.
     "Don't I know it. Anyway, Geoff came up with this idea. All three of us took theater in high school, and we're triplets besides, so it wasn't hard for them to adjust what little difference there was in their actions." He looked at Jennifer. "You must have already noticed small differences that are harder to hide."
     "Yes. Geoff's laughter is more frequent, while Vince frowns more often." Tony nodded.
     "Yes, right. Anyway, this is what you've been noticing. I should have known better than to try and get it past Jennifer."
     "The truth is it was Erin who first noticed Geoff's laughter. She pointed it out to me as odd, and the rest of the pieces fell into place."
     "And then yesterday we heard you say that you were meeting here, and we wanted to figure out what was going on. We thought there was something much more nefarious going on."
     "Which is exactly why I wanted to do this in the first place," Tony said, leaning back in his chair. "I believe I know Jean well enough to think she'll assume something similar when I'm not able to see her for weeks at a time."
     "But why not just let her think that? If you aren't cuckolding her-" Erin's eyes narrowed "-why can't you just let her think what she thinks? There can't be that much harm to it."
     Tony didn't say anything. He leaned forward, and clasped his hands under his chin, with his elbows resting on the table. "I know we've only been dating a few months-"
     "One hundred and thirty-one days."
     "-But I care for Jean. Very much. Aside from what some people would call an unhealthy attraction to me, she's a perfectly normal, smart woman who works hard, likes the same kinds of things I like, has the same sense of humor, even though she doesn't tell very good jokes. I don't want to lose her, and I feel that spending too much time away from her would stress out relationship overmuch."
     Erin and Jennifer stayed silent.
     "Maybe I'm just being silly, or thinking about it too much, but I think this will make things easier in the long run. It's only for a few weeks, then it can get back to normal." He paused. "But I need you two to keep this from Jean. For reasons we've already discussed."
     "Because we won't be able to convince her nothing nefarious is taking place, and she will assume that you are cheating on her," Jennifer said. Tony nodded once, emphatically.
     "We will discuss this," Jennifer said. She stood and beckoned Erin to come with her. They went back to the table they had been at before Tony and his brothers entered. "You first."
     "I mean... it seems like a good enough idea if it's just for a little bit of time, maybe a few days, but it will get harder as time goes on. How long was it? Several weeks? I think we can handle that. Can we handle that?" Erin asked.
     "We have to take the sociological aspects into account. If, either on purpose or accidentally, we ruin the relationship that Tony and Jean have built together, we must understand that we will have to deal with the consequences from Jean's side and, after today, likely from Tony's side as well, at least for a small amount."
     "So if we screw this up, we're going to be in royal trouble?"
     "Yes."
     "I agree. Okay." Erin and Jennifer went back to the three brothers. They sat, and Erin folded her hands.
     "Okay. We're on your side," She said.
     "Thanks a lot, I appreciate it," Tony said. "I start being really busy at work in a little more than a week. I, myself, am planning on seeing Jean in a few days. If she says anything that indicates she thinks something is up, we drop it, and what happens happens."
     "The risks are immediately inherent," Jennifer said. Vince... or Geoff... looked at her quizzically.
     "She means we know what will happen if something goes wrong," Erin said.
     "Yes, that's what I said."
     Erin looked critically at the three brothers. "Anything else you think you should tell us?"
     Tony thought for a second, and then shook his head. "No, there's nothing. Also, I'd appreciate it as if this conversation never happened."
     "Naturally," Erin said.

The next day Erin went in to Jennifer's room after knocking. Jennifer rolled a metal ball about the size of a pool cue across her desk and watching it with interest.
     "What do you think about Tony's plan?" Erin asked.
     "I told you what I thought of it yesterday."
     "No, you said that we should go along with it. Now I'm asking you what you think of it."
     Jennifer looked up. "It's needlessly complicated, hardly required, and failure is all but a certainty. I predict that within two weeks Jean will noticed something, and within three the plan will have failed, with either the destruction of their relationship, or the revelation that such a plan was not required. I also think that you love it."
     "I do love it! It's romantic! Tony's trying to make sure that their relationship survives!"
     "Have you ever considered that Tony was lying to us?" Jennifer asked. Erin froze.
     "He wouldn't do that! We figured out why Geoff and Vince were posing as him!"
     "Wouldn't he? We left the coffee shop as soon as we agreed to play along, he and his brothers could have discussed the real reason as soon as we were gone. As I've said multiple times, this plan of his isn't necessary. Jean would understand. I calculate a nine percent chance that he is hiding something from us that will place us in a bad position with Jean."
     "What does 'a bad position' mean?"
     "It means when all is said and done, Jean lays some of the blame of the tattered ruins of her heart on us. I for one would choose to avoid that guilt, deserved or not."
     "Well... okay. What are you saying?"
     Jennifer rolled the ball on her desk. "We go along with it for now, but we keep our eyes and ears open. Do you agree?"
     "I guess so. I still think that it's sort of cynical for you to assume that."
     "I'll accept the title of 'cynic' if it turns out this is nothing more than what Tony explained."

Three days after that Tony – the real one – visited. Erin and Jennifer acted as normal as they could, and if they hadn't been in the meeting themselves they would have said that Tony hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. Tony took Jean out to dinner and left the two of them alone.
     When they returned, full and happy, Jean was no less talkative than she had been when they'd left. They hung around for a little bit, and then Tony said he needed to get ready for work the next day.
     For a brief sliver of time Jean was out of the room, though they could still hear her talking. Erin was sitting on the couch with her laptop and a pile of books, and she looked up at Tony. Tony was looking straight at her, and he gave a nod. Erin quickly returned it before Jean came back into the room. Tony left and Jean went into her room to go to sleep. Excitement bubbled inside Erin, tempered just a fraction by what Jennifer had said.
     Then she forgot about it and fell asleep on the couch.

Jennifer quickly dubbed the copies G-Tony and V-Tony, and referred to them as such. The first one that visited, G-Tony, came three days after the last time the original Tony was seen. G-Tony arrived, and the first thing that Erin heard from the kitchen was a complaint about his allergies. Jean followed it quickly with a sympathetic noise, and Erin heard a small peck on skin.
     It seemed like everything was going fine. Jennifer came down when she smelled the aroma of frozen pizza, and observed Jean and the ersatz Tony spending time together on the couch, watching TV. Jean huddled against what she perceived to be her boyfriend happily, and Jennifer made no indication that something was amiss with the duo. She took her pizza and went back to her room. Shortly after that Erin heard a grinding sound.
     Erin had to remove herself to keep from staring at the two on the couch. Anyway, she needed to do a fair amount of work, and lab reports don't write themselves. A few hours later the Tony left, and Erin ventured back up the steps she found Jennifer at the dining room table, nursing a cup of strange-looking coffee, and Jean on the couch reading a book. Erin set up her computer and books on an armchair across from the couch.
     She burned to talk to Jean about Tony, but knew that she shouldn't. Jean bounced one leg over the other and hummed under her breath as Erin worked, wrapped in blankets. Every once in a while she would sneak a look at Jean, but she wouldn't move. She sat there reading and not worrying.
     Once Erin looked across the room at Jennifer, but she just seemed to be reading. It was as if nobody cared that there was a conspiracy going on right in front of them! That sort of thing would have drilled itself into Erin's brain whether somebody told her about it or not!

Less than a week later V-Tony visited, and it almost became a disaster. He and Jean sat at the kitchen table and talked about the past few days, Jean talking about what had happened at the office she worked at, and V-Tony relating a few stories from what Erin assumed was the real Tony's restaurant, given to Vince to pretend they were his. Jean listened with interest, but eventually she said something that sent a feeling of worry down Erin's spine.
     "Is something bothering you? It looks like you're frowning a lot." She looked at the current Tony with big eyes, waiting for bad news.
     V-Tony didn't respond immediately, and Erin detected a palpable hang in the outcome of the day. V-Tony stuttered a tiny amount. "Well-"
     "I assume it's the increased pollen count," Erin heard from the kitchen. Jennifer stepped out. "I have also been experiencing some adverse effects." Nobody else in the room could figure out what these effects could have been, she looked just the same as always. "Am I correct?"
     "Yeah. It's making my allergies worse. I'm trying not to cough on your face," V-Tony said.
     "Aww, you're so sweet!" Jean said. "I suppose we shouldn't go for a walk if that's the case then. How about a movie? I think we should watch Avatar!"
     "Nah, I've already seen it." V-Tony froze. Jean looked at him strangely.
     "I thought you said you hadn't seen it yet. Am I thinking of somebody else?"
     "Which Avatar?" V-Tony asked.
     "What?"
     "There's the James Cameron one, and the Shyamalan one that nobody liked."
     "Shyamalan made a remake of Avatar? But it's so new!"
     "No, it..." V-Tony shook his head. "Never mind. I've seen the bad Avatar, so we can go ahead and watch."
     "Oh. Uh... okay," Jean said, more than mildly confused. She and V-Tony retreated into her bedroom and closed the door. Once it was shut Erin released the breath that she had been trapping inside her lungs.
     "That could have gone better," Erin heard Jennifer say.
     "Is this going to work?" Erin said, going into the kitchen where Jennifer stood looking at the calendar.
     "It could. It depends on what your definition of working is."
     "My definition of it working is Tony gets through his tough schedule without Jean finding out, and neither of us gets torn to bits."
     "Then I doubt it." Jennifer went to a steeping cup of tea and swirled it with a spoon. "The chance of either of us getting out of this unscathed is minor."
     "There's got to be a better way to go about this!" Erin said, waving her arms over her head and then bringing them down on the counter where Jennifer's cup had rested just a moment ago. Jennifer hugged the cup to her.
     "There is a way." Jennifer took a thoughtful drink of tea. "But it will require me to observe them – Jean especially – for an as-of-yet unknown period of time. There could be a way to make this work to our advantage." Erin was not sure what 'to our advantage' was supposed to mean. "It should not be difficult. As soon as I get some more information we can start." She looked at Erin. "Is that sufficient?"
     "How soon?" Jennifer sighed, and took another drink.
     "One more visit should be enough. In the meantime, we should continue to assist the Tonys the way that Tony Prime asked of us. Do we have any thyme?"
     "We have plenty of time. Tony said that he's going to be busy for a few weeks."
     "Not the fourth dimension. The spice," Jennifer said.
     "Oh. I suppose that makes more sense. I think we have some somewhere around here." Erin found a bottle marked correctly and handed it to Jennifer. "Are you going to try it in your tea? I hear some people do that."
     Jennifer looked from the small bottle in one hand, to the tea in the other, and then back up to Erin. "Yes. That is what I'm going to do. I am going to put it in my tea." She went down the stairs. Erin had good reason to believe that she wasn't telling the truth, but there wasn't much she could do about it. She shrugged and went to her own room and her waiting pile of student papers to grade.

The next time a Tony visited it was G-Tony. Neither he nor Jean noticed, but Jennifer watched them like a hawk. Erin saw it only because she knew that Jennifer needed one more visit. The strange young woman hid it well, but Erin knew that every word spoken, every motion made, every pause in the conversation, was noticed, analyzed, and stored in the way that made Jennifer... unique.
     And again, the Tony nearly tipped Jean off to the charade. This time however, he recovered with much more ease than the first one did. This G-Tony – Geoff – was laughing just the small bit more, like he did, than Tony. He and Jean were sitting on the couch, talking. Jennifer sat at the kitchen table, doing something on her laptop, and Erin was in the kitchen after trying to read papers for several hours. Jean said something that she meant to be funny, and G-Tony laughed. She said something else, something that made Erin groan under her breath in the kitchen, but G-Tony laughed again. There was a sudden silence. Then:
     "You're laughing a lot today." This from Jean.
     "Is that okay?" G-Tony asked.
     "Well yeah. You just seem so happy right now!"
     "What can I say? I'm having a good day." A masterful deflection by the fake Tony. But Jean didn't let it down. Erin, still in the kitchen, started to think of a way to draw her attention away from the laughter.
     "What happened that made it so good? Something at work?" There was silence for a few seconds.
     "Oh you know. It's just one of those days where things seem like they're all going to turn out okay. Woke up nice and rested, work went well, it's a nice day out... that kind of thing."
     "Okay. That's good. I'm glad you had a nice day!"
     Their conversation moved on, and Erin relaxed. Jean had pushed the issue further than normal, but this Tony seemed a little more at ease going off script. He must have been the one to step forward when volunteers for improv where needed.
     G-Tony left, and Jean went to bed. Erin sat with Jennifer at the table.
     "I know what to do. It'll be pretty easy, but we need to make sure that we do it the right way," Jennifer said. "We'll do the first step in three days. What is your schedule for that day?" Erin got her planner, and looked.
     "I have something in the morning, but the rest of the day is free."
     "Good. In that case, let's go out for dinner," Jennifer said. Erin stared at her.
     "You've never gone out for dinner with us! You barely eat anything unless you prepare it!"
     "I'll make a special exception in this case."
     "Where are we going to go. Do you want to try a--" Erin looked at the other woman. "This is going to be Tony's restaurant, isn't it?"
     Jennifer smiled. It was a smile that Erin would choose to forget, if she could, though it would come back to her in the dark of the night. Jennifer was lit from underneath by her laptop, and the light cast long shadows on her face, which was pulling into an untrained smile by forgotten muscles.
     "Which one?"
     Jennifer explained what was going to occur in three days, but as Jean got ready for bed – with Jennifer's smile etched into the backs of her eyeballs – she could not shake the feeling that Jennifer had left something out. Not forgotten something. No, Jennifer didn't do that. She had neglected to tell Erin some piece of information, or two, or three, that Erin would rather have known. Sadly, there was no way to get information out of Jennifer without her wanting to release it.

Three days later the housemates were in a well-lit restaurant with tasteful french decor and pleasant music floating down from unseen speakers. Tantalizing smells came from the gleaming double doors on one wall of the big seating area, which would periodically swing back and release a tray bearing good, steaming food. The weekday crowd was light, and there was no more than a low buzz of conversation as Erin, Jean, and Jennifer sat in a booth.
     "I'm surprised you suggested this, Jennifer," Jean said. "It's not like you."
     Jennifer shrugged. "I've been worked hard for some time. We all have. A change of scenery increases mental focus and creativity, as well. There are many positive benefits." Jennifer poked the napkin that was rolled around her silverware. "No matter how much more comfortable a normal set of circumstances may seem."
     A moment later their waiter appeared, handed them their menus, and took their drink orders. Jean demanded a wine list, and the three of them took water. They chatted, looking over the menus. When the waiter returned, Jean ordered a salade aveyronnaise with wine, Erin got kig ha farz, and Jennifer ordered oeufs en meurette. Erin and Jean both had to struggle through the unfamiliar french words, but Jennifer pronounced them perfectly.
     A little while later the food came, and the three women talked amongst themselves. The food was strong and hot, and they enjoyed trying each other's dishes. Jennifer's dish was the best, they agreed; poached eggs in a red wine and pepper reduction sauce.
     Their meal was winding down, and they were all feeling the effects of the food, when Jean spoke up.
     "Tony's up to something." Erin and Jennifer said nothing, but both put on expressions of concern. "You two probably haven't noticed, but... A few times in the past few weeks, it hasn't been Tony who came over."
     "What?!" Erin said. She looked over at Jennifer, who had her brows furrowed.
     "Yes! You see, they're triplets! One is named Geoff, and the other one is Vince. I'm not sure which one is which because I haven't formally met them."
     "So... how do you know?" Erin asked.
     "Oh, simple. There're pictures of all three of them on Facebook. Also, there were tiny things. Just... small differences. I didn't notice it for a little bit, but the last time one of them came over he said he was having a good day for a bunch of reasons, and one of the reasons was that it was a nice day out."
     "It was a fairly sunny day with attractive clouds and seventy degree temperatures," Jennifer said. "So it was a nice day."
     "A few months ago, Tony told me that he didn't like days where the sun kept going behind the clouds. He likes it when it's either sunny or cloudy."
     "A strange position to take," Jennifer said.
     "There's more than that that I noticed, but that's when it all started to make sense."
     "So... why do you think he's doing it?" Erin asked. She was pushing the food around on her plate.
     "He said he was busy at work, but I think it's more than that. If he was just busy at work, he should have just been able to tell me about it and leave it at that. I would have accepted that. But to have... confederates... help him keep the wool over my eyes, something more is going on."
     "Do you have a conjecture?" Jean looked at Jennifer with one eyebrow up. "A hypothesis. A guess."
     "Oh. Well, no, not really. I don't think he's doing anything untrustworthy. So I'm not sure what it could be," Jean sat back in her chair. "It's a mystery, and it's kind of ticking me off that this is happening."
     Jennifer flagged down the waiter. "I very much enjoyed my oeufs en meurette. The sauce was particularly good. Is there any chance I could give my compliments to the saucier in person?"
     "Certainly," The waiter said. "I'll see if he has a free minute." The waiter plunged into the kitchen. Erin busied herself cleaning her plate to keep from looking at Jean.
     Five minutes later the saucier appeared, coming around the corner of the booth's wall. It was, as Jennifer explained three nights before, V-Tony.
     All four of them looked at each other with varying amounts of surprise. Vince looked from Jean to Erin to Jennifer and then back around with confusion and fear on his face. Jean looked from Vince to the other two girls with an open mouth. Jennifer and Erin both had feigned expressions of surprise on their faces. Finally Vince cleared his throat
     "I was told you enjoyed the sauce on your oeufs en meurette sauce. I'm glad. I thought it was a good batch." At this point his head swiveled over to Jean. "I'm sorry, I can't help but think I know who you are. Have we met?"
     "I... I think I'm dating your brother. Tony?"
     Vince's face split into a smile. "So that's why I recognized you! Tony goes on about you whenever we talk! You look just like he described! I'm Vince, his older brother. It's good to finally meet you! It's a strange coincidence, surely."
     Jean looked over at Jennifer. "Did you know about this?" Jennifer hunched her shoulders and shook her head. Erin almost believed it. "Wow! This is so strange!"
     "It is," Jennifer said. "How long have you worked here?"
     "A few years," Vince said. "Worked my way up to saucier. I might make sous chef in another few if I keep at it."
     "Tony's a sous chef!" Jean said.
     "He is. Most restaurants have more than one, but his is smaller than this restaurant. Our other brother is a meat chef at a different restaurant, too." Vince looked over his shoulder at the kitchen doors. "Well, I should be getting back. I have a cheese sauce to tend. It was nice to get to meet all of you finally." He retreated back into the gleaming kitchen.
     "I'm sure of it now," Jean said. "He's posed as Tony for at least two visits. I can't believe we just happened to run into him!" She paused and rotated her head to look at Jennifer. "You're sure you had nothing to do with this?"
     "With what?" Jennifer said. "I didn't know anything about this until just now!"
     Again, Erin almost believed her. "You have to help me figure out why Tony and his brothers are doing this!" Jean said, leaning in like a conspirator. "I know we'll be able to get to the bottom of this if you two help me out!"
     "We don't-" Erin began.
     "Of course we will," Jennifer said, cutting her off. Had Jennifer been expecting this? No doubt. "We'd be happy to help. Do you have any ideas?"
     Jean furrowed her brow, and twiddled with her fork on her spotless plate. "I don't know what we could do to get Tony to tell me, and I don't know what restaurant his other brother works at. Should I just confront Tony?"
     "I wouldn't," Jennifer said. "If there was some way to get Vince or his other brother to let something slip, that would probably be the best. Then you could confirm your suspicions without tipping Tony off to anything."
     "But his brothers are in on it! I'd be tipping them off!"
     "But they have to act as if they've seen you once, or never. They won't be able to use the interactions they've had with you before to their advantage, but you can."
     "Yeah, you're right! So if I trick Vince or the other one into saying something that they'd only know if they'd been posing as Tony with me, then I can corner one of them and make him confess!" Jennifer smiled. "Oh my god I'm so smart! But how do we do that? If We show up here again and try to talk to Vince, he'll be on his guard!"
     "We'll have to do it at the other restaurant, to the brother that's a meat chef. But Vince may tip off Tony and the other brother so we can't do this the same way as tonight, no matter how well it worked without meaning to."
     "Right, right. Ugh. What do we do, then?" Jean braced herself on her palms. "First we need to find out what restaurant he works at."
     "With the internet anything is possible," Jennifer said.
     "Okay. What if we--" Jean went on to explain her plan, which was the exact same plan that Jennifer had expected her to suggest. Jennifer and Erin agreed to the plan, and Jean left the table to go to the bathroom.
     "You chess master you."
     "'Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.' Do you know who said that?"
     "No."
     "General Patton said it." Jennifer crossed her arms and set her head back against the wall of the booth. "It makes me feel good to think about what he had to do, and what I have to do, and how much harder he had it."
     "And how easy you have it?" Erin asked, flagging the waiter for their checks.
     "What? No. I think bout how much better I'd be able to do what he did."

Jennifer was getting ready for their next trip to a restaurant, the one that Geoff worked at, when Erin stepped in. Jennifer hid something quickly and looked at her critically. "I didn't hear you knock."
     "I didn't knock. Look, I know you know more about this Tony thing than me and Jean combined. You're planning something. Something bigger than what you tricked Jean into planning. I want you to tell me."
     "I can't. It wouldn't work right."
     "I can pretend to be surprised just as well as you can, trust me. At least tell me what you just hid under there."
     "Not for this you can't, and that would give it away, so I'm not going to tell you."
     "It's not dangerous, is it?" Erin asked, with all sincerity.
     "Dangerous?" Jennifer thought for a few seconds, and started to say something. She stopped, and thought for a few more seconds. "No, not necessarily."
     Erin scowled at her, and Jennifer withered a small amount. "It won't be dangerous for you. Trust me on that."
     "Are you sure?"
     "Mostly," Jennifer said.
     Erin sighed. "I guess that's the best I'm going to get out of you."

Six days later Jennifer handed a cup of coffee to Erin as she came up the stairs. "Are you ready for tonight?"
     "I don't know what I'm going to be ready for!" Erin said as she took a drink. She smacked her lips, and peered into the coffee. "Did you make this?"
     "It's my own recipe," Jennifer explained. "It's good for digestion."
     Erin set the cup down on the counter. "I hope whatever's going on in that crazy brain of yours works. I've been worrying about this too long."
     The three of them had used the might of the internet to their favor, searching for Tony's brother Vince and finding him at a restaurant on the other side of town. They made a reservation for that night, and the plan, or plans, were going to happen – as she thought – whether or not Erin did anything about it.
     Jean came out of her room with her hair a mess. "I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I'm too excited about tonight. Let me have some coffee." She reached for the cup that Erin had set down.
     "No, not that one. That's Erin's cup," Jennifer said. She reached behind her and produced a different cup. "Here, have this. It's my own recipe."
     The cup stopped halfway to Jean's open mouth.
     "It's fine," Erin said. "It just tastes a little strange." Jean took a tentative sip. She smacked her lips and took a second sip.
     "It's good! Kind of strange, you're right, but not bad." Jennifer smiled. "Is this what you've been doing with all our bananas?"
     "No. I told you to stop asking about that." Jean shrugged and took another, deeper, sip. She left the kitchen tugging on her hair.
     "I need to get to work," Jennifer said. "Remember to be ready to go by five thirty."
     "I know, I know," Erin said as Jennifer left the kitchen.

At six fifteen the three women entered the restaurant, and were seated five minutes later. Erin was nervous and apprehensive as to what Jennifer was going to spring on them, and she didn't feel very good, but she tried not to let it show. Jean switched from quiet nervousness to talkative energy and back. Jennifer read the menu with ease.
     This restaurant had a bright openness to it, a bustling, cheery American feeling accompanied by the smell of fried foods. There were expansive meat dishes, burgers, shakes, smiles and cheerful talking all around them. It was such a different atmosphere from the french restaurant that Vince worked at Erin felt slightly put off. She half-expected a clown to come busting out of a side door with a cake topped with a score of blazing candles, followed by half a dozen singing waiters for some embarrassed patron.
     They placed their order with the cheerful waitress. Jean got a turkey burger, Jennifer got a bacon burger, and Erin got a steak salad. She didn't know if she would be able to eat the entire thing, and after she ordered she excused herself to use the restroom.
     Even that made her feel uneasy, for some reason. There was a clean smell that was too powerful.
     She took her time in the bathroom, and when she came out not feeling much better their food had arrived. The smell of the food made her feel slightly better, and Jennifer and Jean were already enjoying their burgers.
     The plan was for Jean to start yelling about how her burger was diseased, or something like that, and demand to see the chef to have him explain himself. This would be Geoff, who couldn't risk not going out to see what the matter was even if he did suspect that the woman demanding him was one of them. Then, Jean would pressure him, pretending to assume it was Tony and not one of his brothers. The interaction would be rife with chances for Geoff to screw up and say the wrong thing.
     Erin started to eat. The salad tasted good, with a spice that she couldn't place immediately. Jean was talking through her burger, and Erin was worried that she was acting to cheerful to be taken seriously when she started to--
     Erin's stomach lurched. She placed one hand over it as an explosion of pain shook her. Her fork fell from her hand and clattered into the bowl. The pain beat like a heart and she threw her head over the table, afraid she was going to vomit. Her tongue felt swollen.
     "Erin? What's wrong? You're so pale!"
     "Something's wrong!" Jennifer said, and suddenly Erin knew.
     "You're going to pay for this," Erin squeezed out at Jennifer right before another wave of pain rippled through her. She fell out of her chair and braced herself on the ground as her vision dimmed. Jennifer was shouting for help as Jean let little screams escaped the hands that had clamped over her mouth. Erin heard voices, not just those of Erin and Jean, and she rose to her feet, lifted by sure hands. She was taken blindly away from the table and through mysterious doors. The pain pounded and she nearly blacked out. She heard shouting and another person took her other side. She was borne along with her feet hovering over the ground
     The next thing she knew somebody's fingers were down her throat, and she pitched forward, vomiting into a sudden bucket. In an instant she felt better. Her vision started to return, and she began to hear voices. She was in an office, with a putrid bucket in front of her. There was Jennifer, looking frantic and scared – another lie, Erin knew – a man sitting next to Erin wearing a shirt and tie and looking very much like a worried manager. Against one wall was Jean talking with Geoff, who seemed to be trying very hard to explain that he wasn't Tony. Jean pressed him. There was another person in the room, another manager, and a few people looked in the doorway with concern. Beyond the doorway was the kitchen, in an uproar.
     "Can you hear me?" The man by her side said. "An ambulance is on its way." Erin was already feeling better.
     "I think I'm okay. It must have just been... something I ate."
     "Sorry, it's our policy. Our insurance covers it, don't worry. What did you eat?"
     "The steak salad," Erin said. The manager looked up at Geoff.
     "Other people'd eaten from the same cut before her!" He said. "Nobody else had any trouble!"
     "Are you allergic to anything?" The manager asked. "Perhaps a seasoning, or-"
     "Nothing except for bananas," Erin explained. "And I haven't had any in-" She looked up at Jennifer. "The tea. This morning."
     "I didn't know!" Jennifer said, wringing her hands. But of course she did. "I thought you could eat them!"
     "I thought-" Geoff began. He clamped his mouth shut, but it was too late. Jean whirled on him. In a moment tinged with pain, Erin remembered Jean telling Geoff, the first time he'd posed as Tony, that they didn't have any bananas. But that had been weeks ago!
     "I knew it!" She hissed. "You and you're brother are posing for Tony to spend time with me! Why?"
     "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Jennifer was saying to Erin. "I wouldn't have given it to you if I'd known!"
     Erin felt like chewing her face off.
     A waiter stuck his head on the door. "The ambulance is here." An EMT bustled in.
     "I'm fine," Erin tried saying, but the EMT was having none of it. She produced a rod of some unknown function. Erin snatched it out of her hand. "If you stick this into any of my holes, I'm going to murder you. Leave me alone." She shook it in the EMT's face, who scowled.
     "I'm calling Tony right now!" Jean was saying on the other side of the room.
     "But he's at work!" Geoff said.
     "Is he? How do I know that? Was he at work the last time you were pretending to be him?"
     "Yes! He was!"
     "Geoff, get out of here and take her with you!" The manager shouted at them. He turned back to Erin. "Are you sure you feel better?"
     "Yes, I'll be fine."
     "You said that you were allergic to bananas, in tea that you had this morning. Why didn't you feel sick then? Why now?"
     "I think I know that," Jennifer said. Of course she knew. "There were a lot of uncommon spices in the tea. One of them probably counteracted the banana. Perhaps it got out of her system just now. Or, maybe, a spice that was on the steak salad counteracted the first spice."
     "Are there spices like that on the steak salad?" The manager asked the other man, still in the room. That man shrugged.
     "There could be."
     "Okay. Fine." He looked again at Erin. "I'm really sorry this happened. We'll pay for your meal and give you a voucher."
     "It wasn't your fault." Erin rubbed her face. Her stomach still had some pain in it, but it was nothing that pepto-bismol and sleep couldn't fix. "I think I'd like to go home."
     "Jean's still talking to Geoff," Jennifer said. "And it appears she managed to get on the phone with Tony. Come on, let's go around the back way." The EMT demanded forms to be signed, and Erin did so with quick, angry scribbles. A waiter handed Erin her coat and purse, and they were led out a side door where Jean was on the phone.
     "Fine! Fine! I just want to know why you've been hiding all of this from me!" Jean hung up in a huff. "Tony's going to meet us at home. Do you feel any better, Erin?"
     "A little." Erin was hunched over herself, not enjoying the pain that ebbed from her stomach. "Let's just get home."
     They got to Jean's car, and Erin settled into the back as Jean drove.
     "What did you do to me?" Erin asked Jennifer. "You'd better tell me."
     "The tea this morning did have banana in it, as well as a compound of my own devising which nullified the bananas effects on you. It also had a timing compound which would, at about six forty-five, cause you to use the restroom."
     "Why?"
     "So you wouldn't be present when I put yet another chemical on whatever you ordered. It, as I explained earlier, released the bananas adverse side-effects onto you in one fell swoop."
     "And if I had died?" Erin demanded angrily.
     "Impossible. You would have vomited the food in your stomach long before that, removing the chemical I added to your food. You notice that as soon as vomiting was induced, you began to feel better?"
     "I... guess so."
     "Besides." Jennifer showed Erin a small vial of clear liquid. "This would have broken down the entire contents of your digestive track in a few moments, leaving you with nothing more than a lengthy trip in the restroom and, probably, a burning hatred for myself." Jennifer looked back at her. "It was a last resort."
     "I never want you touching my food again."
     "Agreed."
     They arrived at their house and found Tony already there, waiting outside the front door.
     "What the hell happened?"
     "Let's not get into it," Erin pleaded. "You need to tell Jean the truth. Tell her everything that you told us."
     "Told you? When did he talk to you?" Jean plunged her key into the door and threw it open. "Are all five of you conspiring behind my back?" She dropped her purse on the ground. "What is going on?"
     Tony explained. He explained that Jennifer and Erin had tracked him to the small coffee place and met his brothers, demanding to be told why Vince and Geoff were posing as him. He told her what he had told them.
     "So all of this is just because you were busy? You didn't think I'd understand that?"
     "Well, you didn't seem to understand it in the past. You'd say things like 'why can't they hire someone else,' or things like that."
     "What? Those were just jokes!" Erin said. "I thought you knew that!"
     "Your jokes are not always easily identifiable," Jennifer said.
     "All this because you don't get my jokes?" Jean said.
     Erin, from the couch, heard the silence, and looked up at the three of them, still standing in the entryway.
     "No, not exactly. My family can be kind of critical, you see. When I told my parents about you for the first time, my mom and dad both thought there were things wrong with you. Too talkative, too girly, not girly enough..."
     "They haven't even met me yet!"
     "I know. I knew that if they met you, they'd think better, but... They've scared dates away before, and I wanted to make sure that everything went smoothly. My brothers and I all mostly escaped the critical gene that both of my parents have, so I needed to have them meet you, so I could call on them before you met my parents."
     "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Jean said.
     "I know, I know, but it was the only thing I could think of. So, I told them, and your housemates, that it was because I was busy at work. It just so happened that I was, and am, very busy at work, so it worked there, at least."
     "And you couldn't tell us the real reason at the coffee shop because you didn't want your brothers knowing," Jennifer said.
     "Exactly. I bet you figured out it was more than what I'd told you."
     "I did. Purely on the basis that the reason for the plan was infantile."
     "That's what I thought." Tony looked at Jean. "That's the whole story. Now the jig is up, I suppose."
     "Is it?" Jennifer asked. Tony looked at her. "Think about this. Vince and Geoff both spent time with Jean, interacting with her as you would. Unless I missed something, which I doubt, she acted just the same as she acts with you: loving, caring, and nearly obsessed with you and your happiness."
     "I'd say that's true," Jean said.
     "The only other times she interacted with them was when Vince came out to meet us at his restaurant, and when Erin had her... episode... at Geoff's restaurant, during which Jean acted exactly as one should when she finds out that her boyfriend's brothers had been posing as her boyfriend: upset, distrustful, and wishing to understand why. With a brief period of explanation, I'm sure they'll be able to see that Jean is a good addition to their family."
     Tony squinted at her, digesting what she'd said. "I guess so." He turned to Jean. "Do you forgive me for all of this?" He asked. "I just wanted to make sure that my family liked you!"
     "It's okay," Jean said. "No harm done."
     "Says you!" Erin shouted from the couch.
     "Anyway," Jean continued. "I think that I should just meet your parents. I know how parents can be. Don't worry." She smiled. "It'll just be another adventure."
     Erin groaned.